.heart stories.

.so. apparently it takes me some time to even sprout such things as roots. seven years to be more specific. i've been in the 'burg for seven years now and i just recently called it "home" for the first time. first time. that's a lil bit ridiculous if i do say so myself. but it's true. i've always hesitated when speaking of my "home" being in the 'burg. i usually would say "i'm headed back to my apartment." or something to that affect. never home. just where i sleep at night. never home. never my home. .when. i said thank you for someone driving me home just about a month ago i literally looked surprised..and it was a surprise at myself. like there was a mirror in front of me. i was surprised first off that i actually called the 'burg my home..and that i didn't correct myself when i said it. now..being that i've lived here for the past seven years and just now started calling it my home i started to think what has c...

.i've. been thinking about how i can do more. do more good. do more loving. just do more in general. i'm amazed at how some organizations like toms  shoes gets americans to purchase shoes and now sun glasses all in the name of helping. however i feel that some of the "good" is lost in translation because we are getting after we give..or rather we get then we give. there is also a non-prof called rosa loves  which tells us of heart breaking stories of loss and devastation all so we buy a t-shirt to help. or a more well known non-prof to write love on her arms  where you can support the movement, or cause if you will, by purchasing a t-shirt to spread the message. .now. don't get me wrong. i have purchased from two of the places listed above. i believe in doing good. in helping. but this has just got me thinking a little bit this morning. why can't i just do and not get. why can't i just give and not expect a hip t-shirt or snazzy sun glasses in the mail a...

.learning. curve is necessary for me on this little word. i kinda feel like i'm being thrown into this whole new thing of grace and what it really means. getting something you don't deserve. webster's dictionary defines grace as: unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. interesting that they throw the word "divine" in there. this is a concept i don't really get. i can see it at some small points along the way but i know there are a ton more that i just miss. i walk right over the graces that i receive every day. i wish that i realized all the graces that i get every day. shoot. every minute. i've learned this new term "common grace". these are every day grace(s) that everyone gets because our God is good. like medicine, air, good doctors, etc. there is also another level of grace that God extends to his children. crazy right? we are so undeserving yet because he is good and he is love and does not act out...

.but. i don't want to. like a two year old that doesn't want to leave the play place at said fast food joints i don't want to do what i'm being asked to do. became so obvious to me last night that "all" i need to do is jump in. that's it. ready. set. go. .or. not. .you. see..i'm at a crossroads in life right now. and much like a little kid not trusting that it probably is a good idea to go wash your hands after playing in some public indoor play place. nasty. i don't want to do what is best for me. .can. i just say..it's a really good thing that i don't have the ability to drive right now. .ok. done with side notes.  all this to say. i want to do what i want to do when i want to do it. yuck right?! i don't want to even think that way. my thoughts shouldn't be that. things should be different right? yes. the answer is yes. but i have to choose for things to be different. i have to step into the difference and that's only ...

.yep. it's so freak out time. i'm itchin' in my own skin to just claim a piece of my independence back. at points this whole not driving thing is just easy peasy and it's actually fun. but man oh man..at other points it is so not fun at all. partly b/c i'm independent and partly b/c i just want to do what i wanna do. ugh. .also. i've realized one really annoying trait that i've picked up in these past two months. i'm a side-seat driver. not a back seat..but a super annoying passenger seat driver. i am that person. i am the person who says green when the light turns green and turn here when "my" turn is coming up. how annoying is that?! i'm set on stopping this habit before it gets out of control. last night was one of the first nights i rode w/ the person who pointed it out and guess who sat on her hands the whole ride. yep. that's right yours truly. kept my mouth shut too. don't want to be that person. .all. this said. i am pla...

.this. weekend i tried to be adventurous. i live about 3 miles away from target. that doesn't sound all that bad..however every one of those miles is uphill..both ways. my roommate was out of town for the weekend and i had exhausted all of my "self-entertainment" by 11:00am so i decided to try out walking. i started out on my little journey w/ my high tech device tracking my movement and estimating my time of arrival. .not. a mile into my independent journey a white car cut into my path. i looked up suspiciously and saw a hand out the window waving at me jovially. i thought to myself "aw this person thinks he knows me..or he thinks i'm going to actually ride w/ him." as i got closer i was able to see that i actually knew this person..he's the husband of a good friend. he offered to give me a ride to my destination and i went with it. .i. spent the next several hours perusing the aisles of such fine establishments such as target, bb&b, peir ...

.so. here's a fun story of some high school guys trying to move up in the world. .at. s.bux with a dear friend of mine last night. going really deep about what's going on in both of our lives. the good the bad and the ugly for sure. how crazy it is how "fancy" we make our dis-belief in God..and how "pretty" we make our sin to be. well..at least that's what i do. .moving on. .as. our chat was winding down we were witness to some brave recent grads from a local high school try to engage some girls outside of s.bux. this is what happened: .boy #1. "hey do i know you?" .boy #2. "yea, i think i recognize you and your friend!" .girl #1. "um..do you go to "insert college"?" .boy #1. "yea..i actually just graduated." .girl #1. "oh wow, what did you major in?" .boy #1. "well we don't have majors at "insert high school". " .girl #2. "so you just graduated from h...

.ok. for real. riding with people really isn't so bad after all. it's just those times when you are invited on a last minute whim that can be quite sad. being the sporadic junkie that i am this will soon come to a head for sure. as of yet i've fed my need for sporadic in different ways such as: riding my bike in multiple different directions (until i get to a hill then i turn the other way)..staring aimlessly at the wal and finding paint spots where i've ever so carelessly spattered paint..or the ever so welcome s.bux visits. .meeting. with people and just talking to them and hearing their "story" and what is on their hearts is something i could do for hours. the one thing that i was really worried about with my driving privileges being revoked is the fact that i would not have as much freedom to meet with people at said coffee shops. making for awkward moments at times. it's so humbling to invite someone to meet with you for coffee and then in turn ask ...

.ok. so now there are some out there who are questioning giving me rides for fear of what i will write in said blog-o-sphere. then on the flip side some..cough cough..want to make the trip so extremely memorable that i may in fact be fearful to ride with them. with that said no need to fear only fantastical stories of delight will make it here. .now. to the nitty gritty. yesterday i had the joy of riding with someone i barely know. made for awkward moments of "getting to know you" time. this is someone that i met at the ridge briefly and randomly discovered we work for the same company. this proved to be a super fun jumping out of my comfort zone kind of time. sharing why i need such rides and thanking him for driving me home. i heard some of his heart. (i told ya that people just open up behind the wheel.) he made a profound statement in the sense of helping people. i was thanking him for the ride and realizing that it was completely out of his way to bring me home. opposi...

.well. this is gonna be a journey of me being on this journey without a license. i've been transported back in time pre-16..w/o a license to freedom. i "get to" be much like a high schooler traveling around with my bookbag and thumbing rides via the high tech version of hitchiking..aka..texting for rides. .i. am going to try to share as much as possible about the people i meet along these next few months and the relationships that are being built or just starting out. i feel already that this is going to be an adventure. i have noticed that people tend to talk, a lot, behind the wheel. i guess something about being in their own space and having the comfort of being in control of the ride makes them feel right at home. i am a fan of it though. being that i am new to most of these people and vice versa. i guess i should start by saying that this whole thing..being behind the dashboard..is majorly out of my comfort zone. i was always the one who would drive anywhere no mat...