.heart stories.

I'm not a writer. (Don't judge my grammar/spelling, I do what I want.) :) I'm not a blogger. I am a sharer. (If that's a word.) I shared my journey through living in Nicaragua. I shared bits and pieces here and there as life unfolded post Nicaragua. This post is coming from something deep. Something that is deep in my heart and has been a major part of what God has been teaching me through my year and a half back in the States. Loss. {def. : be deprived of cease to have or retain.} What is loss? Loss can take on many different faces through our lives. "I lost my car keys." "I lost my teddy bear." "I lost my glasses." "I lost my grandmother." "I lost my home." "I lost my wife/husband." "I lost my child." "I lost my childhood." "I lost my friend." "I lost my ________." So many different emotions arise as I read those statements. Some bring up a ligh

.I. don't really know how much time I'll need to fully process and think through these past six months. If you don't know this about me...I am a thinker...sometimes it's my greatest downfall. I remember it seeming so surreal that I was leaving Nicaragua up until I landed in Miami. I told Dave, one of our elders/pastors, that it just felt like the team was going to leave and I was going to say goodbye to them once again. Just weird to wrap your head around leaving somewhere like Nicaragua...more precisely...House of Hope...to enter into the world of the States. .Two.  totally  different worlds. .It's. hard to believe that I have been back in the states for a week now. Thinking back to life at House of Hope and just how much can and does happen in a week my heart aches knowing that I am not there walking through those changes with those precious girls and women. (Right about now is when my eyes fill with tears...hence the reason why I have not made it

.but.God. .I. feel a great need to thank those who have prayed for me, supported me emotionally and financially, and emailed/facebooked/facetimed/skyped me when it wasn't fun or easy for you to do. I am eternally grateful for your obedience to God to stepping into the role he had for each of you in this part of His story. .My. prayer for you all is that you grew closer and deeper in your knowledge and understanding of who God is through your obedience. That through your giving you were able to experience God's love that much more . That through you buying that phone call to chat with me and pray with me you were filled with just how much He loves you . That when you posted on Facebook that you were praying for me that you saw how the Holy Spirit was connecting us in such a way that only magnifies how great is our God! That when you were prompted by the Holy Spirit to pray for me and the women and girls at House of Hope

.ten.days.left. (Thanksgiving hike up a mountain!) .So. it is hard to believe that I only have ten days left. Wow. Only ten days to love these precious little girls and the women that are surrounding me. .No. regrets kind of lovin'. (This is Rosa...from last post...she said she's been sober since we prayed!) .My. prayer for just these past few weeks is that I would finish this leg of my Jesus walk well...honoring God. What that looks like exactly I am not so sure just yet. I don't think I will really know what that looks like until I am on my plan from Managua looking back at these past couple weeks. .Day. to day it looks like staying sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading and leaning into where he wants me to move moment by moment. It means taking the extra five minutes to talk with a girl in the morning...it means giving up my daily runs to spend that hour with the women...it means just sitting on my porch and being available to m

.You. remember that childhood past time of trying to find that pesky little Waldo right? .Well...for me...here in Nica...life is sometimes like that. Be it me personally feeling like I don't know where I am or be it me forgetting where I put my keys or water bottle. It has ranged from me feeling a little lost in where I stand in my relationship with God or where my thinking is going...good or bad. What I mean by being a little lost in where I stand with my relationship with God is simply a question I ask myself regularly.."am I following Him or what other people tell me about Him?" I can recognize quickly where I am based on how "soft" I feel or don't feel. For those of you who know me well you will know exactly  what I mean by that. Haha. For those of you who don't know me quiet so well...here's my two stages of fellowship with God: soft and hard. I don't really have any good middle ground there..but for me that's ok. .My. consta