Sunday, October 21, 2012

.oh.how.great.

.I. have been in awe of God and who he is displaying himself to be this past week.



.Life. at House of Hope has changed tremendously over the past few weeks but God is still who he is and he is the one in charge. There has been a bit of un-steadiness on campus which has caused some of the women and a lot of the dorm girls to be a little less stable than usual.



.This. past week I was on dorm duty...waking up with the girls at 4:30am and helping them get ready for school. I am so thankful that it was me who had this week because of the events that took place on Friday morning. This Friday five of the dorm girls had decided to run away from House of Hope. They packed their bags and left campus around 3:40...just before wake up call. Three of the girls were found by our on campus director, Oscar Jr., and brought back to campus. They refused to go back into the dorm and eventually called their parents in order to make arrangements to return to their homes. During the chaos of the five girls leaving a mom and her three children also decided to leave campus. She had been struggling with life at House of Hope and was becoming ever increasingly unsatisfied. Earlier in the week three other women had left as well. In a matter of 48 hours 4 women and 5 dorm girls have left House of Hope. All the while we have a team visiting campus this week and lots of work to do.



.This. week has taken a toll on me emotionally and physically that I didn't really see until Friday evening when it was 11:30pm and I would have given anything to sleep. I had been up for almost 24 hours at that point and I was pleading with myself to just go to sleep...yes..arguing with myself is the height of insanity. It was one of those moments when you have just run yourself ragged and all your body/mind needs is a good night's sleep but you've pushed yourself too far and you can't sleep. Tossing and turning and getting more and more frustrated as the minutes and hours ticked by which by the way only causes sleep to come more slowly.



.Still. in these moments I feel God ever present and close...and teaching my heart to just breathe. These moments when I am at the end of myself I get to see God move and work way more than anything I could ever do. It's these moments of being so desperate for him that I am overcome with his presence. It's these moments that I hear God most clearly and feel the Holy Spirit flow through me to love on the women and girls on campus just one more time. It's only Him that I want the girls and women to see when I give them a hug or pray over them or correct them for misbehaving. It's him and only him that I desire to show them.  I have nothing but God to give so in the moments that I am literally brought to the end of myself emotionally, physically, and spiritually that God is displayed greatly. I know that I would love to just go hide and pull the sheets over my head and hide until the girls stop yelling or demanding things from me...that's me and what I want to do...but God. God desires to be present and love on them and that's what he does through me. He loves on his daughters through me...and in giving them his love I get to experience that amazing love and grace deeply for myself.



.He. is just that good.



.I. have been feeling this week that the past four months of emotions are catching up to me. Now...when I say emotions I mean the sad and the happy. I think that I have just been a little be on "day-to-day" mode and haven't really allowed myself a lot of processing time or "cry it out" time for myself. Well..it's coming out on it's own now which makes for really fun times of crying at random and seemingly un-emotional times. For example...we went to the beach last Sunday (AMAZING!) and there was some beautiful scenery and mountains and fields...and who started crying? Yep..you guessed it me. Me the one who was a rough and tough girl...not anymore...God is changing me. Why was I crying you ask? I was crying just because of how big and majestic our God really is...he made those beautiful mountains and they bow to him...they are under his power! (and no I'm not tearing up now) :)



.It. just is amazing to see a display of how big our God is. Of how great he is. I think I had gotten emotional over the mountains mainly because of being in awe of God but also I think I've had my head down and just pushing through the tough times that I was not experiencing God deeply as I want to. I think that when I saw those mountains God was romancing my heart and calling me back to himself in a way that only he would know how to do. It would be like if you who are married or dating...if you both had been busy that week and didn't get to spend a whole lot of time together and he/she came home from work at the end of the week with your favorite movie and popcorn just to reconnect. That's what God did for me that day last Sunday and this week. Showering me with his presence bringing my heart back into deep intimacy with him. Causing me to fall in love with him and who he is all the more.



.With. that said. I am looking forward to this week of being drawn in by a God who loves me beyond my understanding. Being drawn into himself only to display him to the women and girls I am surrounded by. I have the privilege to love on his girls. Oh I just love that I get to serve him and be a part of his love story for the world. My hearts cry as I have about 7 weeks left on this journey is that I would stay soft so that I can hear the Spirits whispers and direction as I walk the campus of House of Hope. That I would be directed fully by him in ways that it would display his glory even more.



.It. will only be God that carries me through to December excellently. Only God working through me in every situation and circumstance is going to allow me to go through these next 7 weeks with excellence.



.Here's. to seven weeks of seeing God move in even more amazing ways that we could have ever imagined.






.Thank. you to my friends and family who have supported me by sending an email, Facebook posts, prayers, and financial support. With out you and you allowing God to work in and through you I would not have been able to be here getting to tell you about all that God is doing. I love you so very much and I have a couple hundred giant hugs to give out in a few weeks. So get ready!



.With.love.

P.S. Ok so I have officially decided that I am hands down the absolute most clumsy 27 year old ever in the history of the world! I was leaving my most favorite cafe last week and tripped over air and fell landing first on a BMW suv (the driver sitting in the front) and then hit my knees like a two-year-old. I got up laughing hysterically bloody knees and twisted ankle. That is the third time I have fallen hard here in Nica and gotten up with bloody knees like a kid. Yep..so here's to more falling and laughing.




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