Tuesday, August 16, 2011

.roots.

.so. apparently it takes me some time to even sprout such things as roots. seven years to be more specific. i've been in the 'burg for seven years now and i just recently called it "home" for the first time. first time. that's a lil bit ridiculous if i do say so myself. but it's true. i've always hesitated when speaking of my "home" being in the 'burg. i usually would say "i'm headed back to my apartment." or something to that affect. never home. just where i sleep at night. never home. never my home.

.when. i said thank you for someone driving me home just about a month ago i literally looked surprised..and it was a surprise at myself. like there was a mirror in front of me. i was surprised first off that i actually called the 'burg my home..and that i didn't correct myself when i said it. now..being that i've lived here for the past seven years and just now started calling it my home i started to think what has changed. the only thing really is this invisible cord..jesus cord..that is now tying me to the people and friends in my life.

.before. i had friends..lots of them. all kinds. from all walks of life. good friends. so that's not the issue. i had people and they had me. but it was just that. nothing more.

.now. i have friends..lots of them. all kinds. from all walks of life. good friends. i have people and they have me. but the difference is..is that i belong to them and they belong to me. (here's where it's appropriate to start singing "we're all in this together.." end scene) no but really..i belong to my "jesus people". that's a deeper more intimate friendship/relationship even if i'm not trying to have it be that. it just is. there is like an invisible string of "jesus" that connects me to them and them to me. whole new level of friendship here.

.for. your hearing pleasure..this is the theme song for this post...lynchburg.i'm home.video.

.kinda. neat to have this realization..and a lil scary i must admit. a lot of responsibility with belonging to you and you belonging to me. so that's it. that's the difference between then and now and the fact that the 'burg is now my home and where i belong. took me moving away 3 times in 3 years to get it through my thick head though.

.here's. to putting my roots even deeper and belonging to more people.

.and. here's an omage to my seven years of "no roots"..
 2004

2005

2006

2007

2008 (lotta roots here though)

2009

2010

2011
(basically i need more 2011 pix..of my friends and me in group shots..sooo...yep)

.here's. to getting new roots..and going deeper..with that invisible "jesus" string..

Monday, July 18, 2011

.do.

.i've. been thinking about how i can do more. do more good. do more loving. just do more in general. i'm amazed at how some organizations like toms shoes gets americans to purchase shoes and now sun glasses all in the name of helping. however i feel that some of the "good" is lost in translation because we are getting after we give..or rather we get then we give. there is also a non-prof called rosa loves which tells us of heart breaking stories of loss and devastation all so we buy a t-shirt to help. or a more well known non-prof to write love on her arms where you can support the movement, or cause if you will, by purchasing a t-shirt to spread the message.

.now. don't get me wrong. i have purchased from two of the places listed above. i believe in doing good. in helping. but this has just got me thinking a little bit this morning. why can't i just do and not get. why can't i just give and not expect a hip t-shirt or snazzy sun glasses in the mail after my generous "donation"? why can't i just donate? give without strings..without expectations. consumerism is running rampant even in our charitable organizations. even if you search on google to find charitable organizations you usually always get a sticker, bookmark, book, t-shirt, etc all to show and tell others "look i gave to _______ and i got ______."

.guess. i have too high of standards for compassion or charity. i don't even live up to them in the least. i find myself always wanting something for my "generous" donation. i guess that's gotta be a change in my thinking of really what charity and helping is. i want to do it and not just get some t-shirt that says..look what i did. now..don't read that and hear that's what i think people who wear those items are out for. when i put on my to write love on her arms t-shirt (which i LOVE) i don't want people to see that i gave money to help. i want to help spread the message. my thought is why can't i just spread the message..without a trinket? just some food for thought.

.no.strings.attached.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

.grace.

.learning. curve is necessary for me on this little word. i kinda feel like i'm being thrown into this whole new thing of grace and what it really means. getting something you don't deserve. webster's dictionary defines grace as: unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. interesting that they throw the word "divine" in there. this is a concept i don't really get. i can see it at some small points along the way but i know there are a ton more that i just miss. i walk right over the graces that i receive every day. i wish that i realized all the graces that i get every day. shoot. every minute. i've learned this new term "common grace". these are every day grace(s) that everyone gets because our God is good. like medicine, air, good doctors, etc. there is also another level of grace that God extends to his children. crazy right? we are so undeserving yet because he is good and he is love and does not act outside of that he lavishes his grace and mercy on us. amazing.

.i. guess that's why it's called amazing grace..how sweet the sound.

.my. heart needs to be more soft..more open to see the grace(s) that i get all around me. i want my heart to be soft to this. to be able to see it so clearly and quickly. this is grace in and of itself that God does this. that he loves us so that we get to see him. we get to experience him. oh how self-entitled i can be to feel that i deserve it..because i so don't.

.i. want grace filled eyes that can see it more and more.

.movement.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

.just.jump.

.but. i don't want to. like a two year old that doesn't want to leave the play place at said fast food joints i don't want to do what i'm being asked to do. became so obvious to me last night that "all" i need to do is jump in. that's it. ready. set. go.

.or. not.

.you. see..i'm at a crossroads in life right now. and much like a little kid not trusting that it probably is a good idea to go wash your hands after playing in some public indoor play place. nasty. i don't want to do what is best for me.

.can. i just say..it's a really good thing that i don't have the ability to drive right now.

.ok. done with side notes.  all this to say. i want to do what i want to do when i want to do it. yuck right?! i don't want to even think that way. my thoughts shouldn't be that. things should be different right? yes. the answer is yes. but i have to choose for things to be different. i have to step into the difference and that's only going to come from a soft place..and soft places..for me..only come from God. but apparently i've just turned into "mush" or a "softie" as a dear friend called me. eh ehmm. i want to be able to look back in six months..a year..and see a difference in me. in my actions. in my thoughts. i want to not be so selfish in my thinking or my actions. like my "ghetto" bible says.."don't be selfish.."

i don't particularly want to really "walk" through the yuck to get me to the place that i can eventually look back though. i just want to magically arrive there. yes. yes. i know. all things worth it in life you have to actually work for. oh but how i don't really want to. it's kind of about time though. so see. i'm at a crossroads. kind of like when paul was writing in romans about doing what he knows he shouldn't. that whole back and forth idea. good to know i'm in good company with these thoughts.

.meet you at the crossroads.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

.freak.out.

.yep. it's so freak out time. i'm itchin' in my own skin to just claim a piece of my independence back. at points this whole not driving thing is just easy peasy and it's actually fun. but man oh man..at other points it is so not fun at all. partly b/c i'm independent and partly b/c i just want to do what i wanna do. ugh.

.also. i've realized one really annoying trait that i've picked up in these past two months. i'm a side-seat driver. not a back seat..but a super annoying passenger seat driver. i am that person. i am the person who says green when the light turns green and turn here when "my" turn is coming up. how annoying is that?! i'm set on stopping this habit before it gets out of control. last night was one of the first nights i rode w/ the person who pointed it out and guess who sat on her hands the whole ride. yep. that's right yours truly. kept my mouth shut too. don't want to be that person.

.all. this said. i am planning a vacay. one where only i go. only i know where and when. top secret.

.bon.voyage.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

.fail.

.this. weekend i tried to be adventurous. i live about 3 miles away from target. that doesn't sound all that bad..however every one of those miles is uphill..both ways. my roommate was out of town for the weekend and i had exhausted all of my "self-entertainment" by 11:00am so i decided to try out walking. i started out on my little journey w/ my high tech device tracking my movement and estimating my time of arrival.

.not. a mile into my independent journey a white car cut into my path. i looked up suspiciously and saw a hand out the window waving at me jovially. i thought to myself "aw this person thinks he knows me..or he thinks i'm going to actually ride w/ him." as i got closer i was able to see that i actually knew this person..he's the husband of a good friend. he offered to give me a ride to my destination and i went with it.

.i. spent the next several hours perusing the aisles of such fine establishments such as target, bb&b, peir 1, and barnes. enjoying watching people and putting new bedding together. i have a secret love for pillows..and not the practical pillows..the ones that just make a bed/couch look nice. (which, btw, i found some amazing pillows and they look great!) around the end of me getting bored i realized that it may be difficult to walk 3 miles w/ rather large pillows. as i was "un shopping" i saw a friend of mine! she offered to give me a ride home! yay! check out that crazy provision! got to catch up w/ a friend i hadn't seen in a long time, got to purchase my rather amazing new pillows, and i seem to not be able to "run away".

.such. coolness but lil freaky that i see people i know walking down the street and in stores. not used to the "small" town feel. in a big city like new orleans you get to walk around anonymously but at the same time feel like family to everyone but here in the 'burg you can't go even a mile without seeing someone you know. the small town feel is growing on me..about time..i've now been in the 'burg (on and off) for about 6 years. (scary) but..there is something to be said about the culture of the new orleans people. i miss it. miss the smell of coffee w/ chicory..miss the sights of the "qu'ater" and the frozen cafe au laits. sigh. but this lil 'burg culture where "everybody knows your name" is kinda making me feel at home. "Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez"

.i.miss.nola.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

.nice.try.

.so. here's a fun story of some high school guys trying to move up in the world.

.at. s.bux with a dear friend of mine last night. going really deep about what's going on in both of our lives. the good the bad and the ugly for sure. how crazy it is how "fancy" we make our dis-belief in God..and how "pretty" we make our sin to be. well..at least that's what i do.

.moving on.

.as. our chat was winding down we were witness to some brave recent grads from a local high school try to engage some girls outside of s.bux. this is what happened:

.boy #1. "hey do i know you?"

.boy #2. "yea, i think i recognize you and your friend!"

.girl #1. "um..do you go to "insert college"?"

.boy #1. "yea..i actually just graduated."

.girl #1. "oh wow, what did you major in?"

.boy #1. "well we don't have majors at "insert high school". "

.girl #2. "so you just graduated from high school?!"

.boy #2. "yea..but that's like "insert college"."

.girl #2. *walks away w/ look of  "i can't believe this is really happening"

.boy #1. "so what are you majoring in? do you know "insert name drop"? he is a senior "at said college"."

.girl #1. "i'm a junior at "said college" and no i don't know him. i've gotta go" *abrupt walk away*

.boy #1 and #2. *left standing with ghoulish grins b/c they just tried to pick up college girls..yes they failed but they were smiling none the less.

.lesson. here is..graduating from high school is not the same as college. boys should learn the art of rejection and tact earlier then 18. girls should learn to just say no.

.t'was. entertaining however. kind of painful to watch but the boys didn't seem too hurt nor the girls to insulted. after they all went their separate ways an uproar of laughter happened w/ the other by-standers. apparently my friend and i were not the only ones who witnessed such events. it was the talk of the patio.

.rejection.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

.oh.really.

.ok. for real. riding with people really isn't so bad after all. it's just those times when you are invited on a last minute whim that can be quite sad. being the sporadic junkie that i am this will soon come to a head for sure. as of yet i've fed my need for sporadic in different ways such as: riding my bike in multiple different directions (until i get to a hill then i turn the other way)..staring aimlessly at the wal and finding paint spots where i've ever so carelessly spattered paint..or the ever so welcome s.bux visits.

.meeting. with people and just talking to them and hearing their "story" and what is on their hearts is something i could do for hours. the one thing that i was really worried about with my driving privileges being revoked is the fact that i would not have as much freedom to meet with people at said coffee shops. making for awkward moments at times. it's so humbling to invite someone to meet with you for coffee and then in turn ask them for a ride so they can meet with you. ha! especially if i have to lay down the law..i'm a straight shooter and sometimes i call it like it is. imagine having a tough conversation with a friend and really calling them to the rug. ok you got that picture? now when the convo is all finished and you're saying your good-byes ask her for a ride home. ugh! may i suggest a light convo about a great station you found on pandora and jam out the way home. works for me at least.

.as. for the riding behind the dashboard..well it's really..actually..surprisingly not so bad. there is a common theme running through the tough things of my life right now and that is trust. trusting first God then the people he has put in my life. making my relationships about him and not about the people or me. confession time. moving towards some painful stuff with trust and realizing that it is all about a God who is trustworthy, who is just worthy. period. crazy thought process that i most assuredly would not have had without the man they call Jesus. end of story. i remember my license got suspended for 30 days back a few years ago and guess who still drove..b/c the 'man' couldn't put me down. that wasn't as serious and was more of a precaution not a "hey we think there may in fact be something up" kind of mind set. now is the time where you should start to sing "a whole new world" from aladdin. ready.go.

.magic.carpet.ride.


Thursday, May 19, 2011

.evil.laugh.

.ok. so now there are some out there who are questioning giving me rides for fear of what i will write in said blog-o-sphere. then on the flip side some..cough cough..want to make the trip so extremely memorable that i may in fact be fearful to ride with them. with that said no need to fear only fantastical stories of delight will make it here.

.now. to the nitty gritty. yesterday i had the joy of riding with someone i barely know. made for awkward moments of "getting to know you" time. this is someone that i met at the ridge briefly and randomly discovered we work for the same company. this proved to be a super fun jumping out of my comfort zone kind of time. sharing why i need such rides and thanking him for driving me home. i heard some of his heart. (i told ya that people just open up behind the wheel.) he made a profound statement in the sense of helping people. i was thanking him for the ride and realizing that it was completely out of his way to bring me home. opposite ends of town. he said that he actually likes doing things more when it is more inconvenient for him. upside down right? kind of neat to see that. made me sit back and say..hmm. shoot..if i didn't know Jesus i'd say this was weird..but now on the other side of things i can say whoa..Jesus would go out of his way to serve me. neat.

.little. did he know the depths of what that semi-simple statement has for me right now. just feeling so much like a burden to people. even if i am on their way. hearing that some people, Jesus people, want to do things like serve out-of-the-way is God in them. new thoughts for me. no strings attached love in action i guess.

.this. whole situation..being w/o a license..is not a coincidence by any means right now. it's very much like God knew that i would try to run from this new family..Jesus family..and i can't. i have to stay connected to even do simple things like go to the grocery store or get to work. i'm much like a little kid who is pushing the limits and boundaries but God is saying "no no no come back over here silly." learning curve is high on this one.

.this. one is not so funny. but it's what happened. maybe i'll have a funny story of ghetto talk in a parking lot or having some random guy wanting to talk to me at a red light. oh how i love ghetto fab people.

.shoot.whatcha.know.bout.dat.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

.in.the.beginning.

.well. this is gonna be a journey of me being on this journey without a license. i've been transported back in time pre-16..w/o a license to freedom. i "get to" be much like a high schooler traveling around with my bookbag and thumbing rides via the high tech version of hitchiking..aka..texting for rides.

.i. am going to try to share as much as possible about the people i meet along these next few months and the relationships that are being built or just starting out. i feel already that this is going to be an adventure. i have noticed that people tend to talk, a lot, behind the wheel. i guess something about being in their own space and having the comfort of being in control of the ride makes them feel right at home. i am a fan of it though. being that i am new to most of these people and vice versa. i guess i should start by saying that this whole thing..being behind the dashboard..is majorly out of my comfort zone. i was always the one who would drive anywhere no matter how far or how inconvenient it was for me..i was driving there. now i am the one always behind the dashboard..or even better..in the backseat.

.so. as not to digress over the past two weeks of me not driving i will abstain from sharing the fun stories of riding w/ people and walking in kroger parking lots for now. from this point forward consider yourself forewarned that you may be blogged about if you happen to find me in your passenger seat.

.you.have.been.warned.