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.You. remember that childhood past time of trying to find that pesky little Waldo right?

.Well...for in is sometimes like that. Be it me personally feeling like I don't know where I am or be it me forgetting where I put my keys or water bottle. It has ranged from me feeling a little lost in where I stand in my relationship with God or where my thinking is going...good or bad. What I mean by being a little lost in where I stand with my relationship with God is simply a question I ask myself regularly.."am I following Him or what other people tell me about Him?" I can recognize quickly where I am based on how "soft" I feel or don't feel. For those of you who know me well you will know exactly what I mean by that. Haha. For those of you who don't know me quiet so's my two stages of fellowship with God: soft and hard. I don't really have any good middle ground there..but for me that's ok.

.My. constant prayer is that I would stay soft before Him...soft to his voice...his leading.

.Staying. soft is often difficult for me especially when I don't have my Jesus family super close to call me to the rug when they see my walls.

.Being. soft last Friday was exactly what I needed!

.I. drove to cell groups with Vilma (the co-director of House of Hope) last Friday. It is a neat time to get to see the women meeting in their home groups, praying and encouraging each other to follow God. At the last cell group I noticed a woman who I have come to know from Tuesday production. She is fairly new to the program and I did not see her at her table last Tuesday. Her name is Rosa. She was across the street in a park and even from a far distance I could tell something was not right. She was with some men and laughing and stumbling around...highly intoxicated. I felt the Holy Spirit say "Go to her!" ... I went up to the group leader and asked if she was in this group. The leader confirmed that she was and that Rosa was not doing well with staying away from alcohol and men. I quickly walked across the street as Rosa was walking towards a small store with a slot machine. I said hello and asked if she knew who I was. Stumbling through her words she said yes and that I was the gringa who worked at House of Hope. As she played her slots we stood hand in hand talking about why she was not in her small group. She explained how she didn't want to go to small group because she was drunk and she was ashamed.

.With. tears in her eyes she stopped playing slots and turned to face me and said she couldn't do life like she is anymore.

.I. told her about my story and how I had problems with alcohol as well and how I did not want to show my face around the church or "those people" while I was at my worst. I was able to express to her my need for community as a Christ follower and her need as well.

.Arm. in arm we walked back to the small group. She sat in my chair that was now vacant and immediately broke down in tears. We were able to pray over her and encourage her that this is exactly where she needed to be.

.As. I left that small group she walked out with me and asked me why I had come over to her. I turned to look straight into her eyes and I told her "Because God loves you and he told me to come show you that he loves you." She sunk to the ground and as I held her crying and praying for her I was swept up in God's love for his children.

.His. love goes beyond the walls we put up. Goes beyond how many "too many" drinks we had to cover our pain. Goes beyond our "good deeds". Goes beyond everything.

.It. never ceases to amaze me just how much he loves us and at what cost he purchased us.

.This. right here is why I am no longer my own but HIS.

.Here. am I Lord.


  1. Oh Ash! Your Jesus family loves you and misses you so much! Love hearing how God is using you and working in and through you.

  2. How awesome to be in His pulse - and that's where you are - right in His pulse of what he is doing. Big Hugs. Melody


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I'm not a writer.
(Don't judge my grammar/spelling, I do what I want.) :)
I'm not a blogger.
I am a sharer. (If that's a word.)
I shared my journey through living in Nicaragua.
I shared bits and pieces here and there as life unfolded post Nicaragua.

This post is coming from something deep. Something that is deep in my heart and has been a major part of what God has been teaching me through my year and a half back in the States.

Loss. {def. : be deprived of cease to have or retain.}

What is loss?

Loss can take on many different faces through our lives.
"I lost my car keys."
"I lost my teddy bear."
"I lost my glasses."
"I lost my grandmother."
"I lost my home."
"I lost my wife/husband."
"I lost my child."
"I lost my childhood."
"I lost my friend."
"I lost my ________."

So many different emotions arise as I read those statements. Some bring up a lightness in helping a young child find their t…