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.here. is the fun part where we all get to see God provide and work by using his a part of what he is doing.

.my. goal for the trip is to raise right around $4,500. this includes airfare to and from, living expenses while there as well as emergency funds for anything that may come up.  feel free to click here to open up the online giving page. this will open up a new window so you can keep reading if you'd like. :)

.as. the days are slowly ticking by i am realizing that they are going to start flying by and i'm going to be wondering where March went..where April went..and where May went. i have set a few goals to keep me focused for these next ten weeks. the main goal that i am constantly reminding myself of is "love people my friends and my family well right now. don't pull away. don't do self-protect mode. love only."

.those. that are closest to me know this journey of letting people in and allowing others deep into my life has been a rough one. lots of tears. lots of hard talks. BUT lots of growth. lots of deep meaningful relationships. not only relationships with others here..but my relationship with God. as i started this journey several months back i was focused on the here and now. i was seeing my trust..err..distrust in people and wanted to just start trusting. i saw my thoughts of where i do and don't belong in the friendships i had. i quickly realized that is NOT the focus that God wanted me to have.

                         he wanted me to focus on trusting him..loving him..belonging to him.

.as. that focus shifted i noticed i was then able to trust people. i was able to allow others in close. not without fault or bumps still..but starting to just do it without thinking about it. that was God working and doing that in me.

.this. is still a weak spot for me and one that has been intensified due to the upcoming move to Nicaragua. learning to walk this out on a new level. on a much deeper level. it's bringing up insecurities that i so do not want..but alas they are there. what to do with them. the battle of thoughts. it's a bit tiring if i'm honest. but i know how to fight this. i'm in the process of getting my old notebook out once again. to write the lies i am believing on one side of the page and God's truth on the other. i did this for several months when i was first starting to walk through this. i had that notebook with me everywhere. it was my security. it wasn't some good quotes or good thoughts to think on. it was truths..God's truths. ultimate and secure.

.with. all that said. i would appreciate your prayers as i am walking this out in obedience. not that i don't want to go to Nica..that's not the case..i do. it is going to be hard. probably harder than God is allowing me to realize at this point. i am going to need to be held up in prayer as i'm walking through not pulling away here..serving while there..and coming home.

.thank. you in advance for your prayers.

.on. a lighter note.

.i. had my first dream about living in Nica last night. i was walking on to campus at HoH and i saw one of the girls. the girl that i spoke about on the fourth day at HoH. she saw me and ran over into my arms. i began sharing "all" the spanish i had been learning. (i just the word all lightly.) we were discussing the colors and days of the week. i was communicating to her in spanish but i didn't know what i was saying. it was good to be back there even just in my dream. knowing that this is exactly where God wants me to be going. i am looking forward to loving and serving the women, girls, and staff at HoH.

.bring. it.


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.I. don't really know how much time I'll need to fully process and think through these past six months. If you don't know this about me...I am a thinker...sometimes it's my greatest downfall. I remember it seeming so surreal that I was leaving Nicaragua up until I landed in Miami. I told Dave, one of our elders/pastors, that it just felt like the team was going to leave and I was going to say goodbye to them once again. Just weird to wrap your head around leaving somewhere like Nicaragua...more precisely...House of enter into the world of the States.

.Two. totally different worlds.

.It's. hard to believe that I have been back in the states for a week now. Thinking back to life at House of Hope and just how much can and does happen in a week my heart aches knowing that I am not there walking through those changes with those precious girls and women. (Right about now is when my eyes fill with tears...hence the reason why I have not made it through this pos…


I'm not a writer.
(Don't judge my grammar/spelling, I do what I want.) :)
I'm not a blogger.
I am a sharer. (If that's a word.)
I shared my journey through living in Nicaragua.
I shared bits and pieces here and there as life unfolded post Nicaragua.

This post is coming from something deep. Something that is deep in my heart and has been a major part of what God has been teaching me through my year and a half back in the States.

Loss. {def. : be deprived of cease to have or retain.}

What is loss?

Loss can take on many different faces through our lives.
"I lost my car keys."
"I lost my teddy bear."
"I lost my glasses."
"I lost my grandmother."
"I lost my home."
"I lost my wife/husband."
"I lost my child."
"I lost my childhood."
"I lost my friend."
"I lost my ________."

So many different emotions arise as I read those statements. Some bring up a lightness in helping a young child find their t…